It's something completely stupid like 4am. And I'm blogging. From my phone.
This must be important.
I'm thinking about my testimony yesterday at church, this crazy journey we call life, and the hell I have been in for the last 30 days.
And make no mistake, it has been hell.
I've had some lovely moments inside of that hell, but I assure you the last 30 days I have spent living side by side ....
Like the big, ugly, scary monsters under your bed? Only worse. These things are HUGE beasts that are very ugly and scary indeed and have big awful horns and no souls so they are trying to eat yours. And they live in your bed, they live in your car, they appear in the television you watch, they lurk in your kitchen cabinets, you see their reflection in your mirror,, and the worst part of all, you hear their fighting voices in your head.
No that's not the worst part of all.
The worst part of all is the death grip they have around your heart and the chains they have wrapped around your lungs as they attempt to squeeze every ounce of life and breath out if you.
That shit hurts.
So I woke up this morning at, as my friend Corina eloquently would say, "stupid o'clock," and this quote from JK Rowling was in my head and on my heart which is surely better than any demon.
"Rock bottom became the very foundation on which I built my life."
The trick to life is not getting stuck at rock bottom. The real trick to life is getting to rock bottom and we all do, dropping to your knees, and doing the work. And building that foundation
But the beauty is this. If you're doing the work, and you're doing it right, and you're doing it with God by your side and the cry of your heart is "Thy will be done," and not "my will be done," then your foundation will be stronger than ever. You will build yourself a fortress in which demons are not allowed.
The last 30 days I have had the most incredible support system around me. "My team." I've even recruited a few new members and some brave souls have even volunteered themselves into the mix out of the kindness of their hearts (oh brave ones). And my team keeps bringing me bricks. And I just look at them.
"Thanks for the bricks!" I say.
But I do nothing with them.
I KNOW what I need to do with them.
I know just exactly what I need to do.
I just look at them.
And continue to live with the demons.
I am at rock bottom.
And this will become the very foundation on which I rebuild my life.
Brick by brick.
If you see any scary, ugly, evil demons roaming the streets? That's me, I sent them packing. Give them a little wave and wish them well on their journey back to wherever the hell they came from. They are no longer welcome in my fortress.
I will be busy building. I will be busy doing the work. On my knees and in the mirror and doing the heavy lifting -- all of it.
Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, like the Queen I am meant to become, I am rebuilding my life one brick at a time.