For many years, people have told me I should write a book. In fact, I have told me that I should write a book. It's less of an "idea" and more of a "calling." I just know it's inside of me and it needs to come out. I'm not sure if anyone will actually read it, and that's ok. The book is inside of me, and I need to write it, to express it.
For a long time, I hesitated to to sit down because I thought "I'll never write like Elizabeth Gilbert." Well Duh. There's only one Elizabeth Gilbert just as there is only one April Schmidt. But the real problem wasn't really that I wanted to write like Liz, but I wanted to write a story similar to hers. You know, minus the amazing travel. The story of how I too, found myself crying on a bathroom floor for weeks and months on end...... took a journey (mostly internal), found and endured the David years, and then........ perhaps ended with a love story like hers and Felipe's. And though our stories do mirror each other's in many ways, in so many others, they are different. Of course my twist being that I wasn't able to take off on a year long journey, I had to to the work, yanno in my own backyard and in my head.
Then there's this woman Glennon Doyle Melton. I hate this bitch. Ok not really. But she stole my life. OK not really that either. But she started a mega ultra uber successful blog, she's sassy and funny and witty and calls herself a "truth teller" (as do I) and she's done it. She's made it. She's got legions of followers and a crazy successful book and she's a mess and yet has it all together or at least makes it appear that way. My best friend Renae tells me that Glennon and I were separated at birth. I KNOW THIS. That's what makes me hate her so much. I read her words and I feel like I'm reading my own. I highly recommend you jump on her bandwagon, www.momastery.com and read her book, Carry On, Warrior.
So if everyone loves Glennon so much why on earth would they want to hear what I have to say?
There's that ugly, ugly, ugly thing rearing it's head again.
My darling Liz says this, and I don't know how to link to facebook because she posted this as a status so I hope the blogger police forgive me.
YOUR FEAR IS BORING.
I can say this with all honesty and authority, because I know for a fact that my fear is the most boring thing about me. This is especially true when it comes to living a life of creativity.
Fear is boring, because fear only ever has one thing to say to us, and that thing is: "STOP!"
For over 25 years now, my fear has been shouting "STOP!" to me, every single time I sit down to write. Fear never has a more interesting insight to offer. Never. Just that one word, repeated and repeated with increasing hysteria: "STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!!"
My fear wants me to stop, because my fear wants me to be safe, and my fear perceives all motion, all inspiration, all work, all activity, all passion whatsoever as potentially life-threatening. My fear wants me to live a smaller life. The smallest imaginable life, ideally. My fear would prefer that I never got out of bed.
Your fear is the same. Exactly the same as mine. I guarantee it.
Listen, we all need fear, evolutionary-speaking — obviously. Don't leave home without a good healthy fear reflex, or you may find yourself wandering drunk through dangerous neighborhoods at 3am, or riding your bike through city traffic with earbuds in. (You guys, seriously – what's with people riding their bikes through city traffic with earbuds in?) In these situations, your fear may indeed save your life.
But your fear must be kept in its place. (True emergencies only, please.) Your fear must not be allowed to make decisions about creativity, passion, inspiration, dreams. Your fear doesn't understand these things, and so it makes the most boring possible decisions about them. Your fear mistakes creativity and inspiration for saber-toothed tigers and wolf packs. They aren't. Creativity and inspiration are the vehicles that will transport you to the person you most need to become.
Sit down and have a quiet conversation with your fear. Tell it that you will listen respectfully, say, when your fear warns you not to go swimming in 15-foot waves when you aren't a strong swimmer. But you will not listen to your fear anymore when a small hopeful voice inside you says, "I want to make something."
Now go make something, OK?
Meanwhile, here's a video of me talking more about this:
I'm a helluva lot of things, but boring isn't one of them.
Many people have told me that when it's time to write the book, it will come to me. The idea, the premise, the journey that my pages will take.
And it did.
In a simple, 5 minute texting conversation..........the story was delivered to me.
And so, I shall set my fear aside, (it will never go away) and I will begin to write the story I was called to tell.
I can't wait to share it with you.
My goal......... is to share chapter one with you, in 30 days. Stay tuned!!!!